Monday, May 31, 2010

Going North and South on I-95 Says Reconstruction

As I work at the personal reconstruction that I am trying to move forward, more and more I encounter things that confirm for me that filling this void is possible and achievable. I have to unravel the ideas and like a jigsaw puzzle put the pieces into place to reveal the picture, the plan, the goals.

The last couple of days I have traveled up and down I-95 South to take care some a family matters. A few weeks ago, I traveled upstate on I-95 North into Massachusetts to pick up one of my daughters from school. I traveled south to see about Momma. I got my coffee, a raisin bran muffin, and some water and hit the road.
After about an hour and a half or so into the trip up north, I got my rhythm and flow. I am settled into the ride and thoughts, eyes, and position are all in sync. Looking out at the expanse of nature, the various hue of green, the beauty of the peaks and valleys and roadways and bridges, humans and animals all intertwined and intersecting as I went along. I thought to myself how wonderful it is to be here, now, even with my anguish and confusion of the paths to choose at this point in my life. The road was open, free, stately, majestic and consuming but leading me with clarity and purpose. I thought; wow, the universe is awesome and it will show me the way.

Getting to this point in life feels like situations in the movie the seven-year itch. The mid life crisis scenes where there is no satisfaction from the usual and the familiar and the routine. In this case however this inquiry is all about finding a purpose. I am grateful for this opportunity to reflect, appreciate this life, my children, my family, friends and for so, so much goodness and graces. Even so my human-ness still is restless and dissatisfied in all its essence and seek something more, something else. My dreams, hopes, and desires can be as real as the towns and the animals and the hills and meadows I saw along the way.

Looking out at the landscape is very telling. It is inviting me to opening new vista and feeling of enthusiasm, desires, and assertion of yes I can, I can actually be what I still have to. The rolling hills the houses on top of manicured grounds and the multitude of terrain and gardens say yeah go for it! So with thinking and knowing that I want change, I still need to know what, how, where.

I am thankful for a safe trip and successful outcome with Momma and the move and the storage and the trip back home. We are all happy to be home again and I have a new energy to push forward with open mind and no boundaries.

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