Friday, January 7, 2011
I haven’t had enough time to do all the things I’ve wanted to do, needed to do and should do, even though I’ve wanted to and think about doing. Touching base; saying hello, making a phone call, sending an email, the little but very important touchstones of life. I just haven’t had the time or made the time to do them as much. OR perhaps haven’t the presence of mind, will and determination to just do it!
He was a very peculiar person and sometimes even stoic. He was fine knowing I was in touch with his wife and would comment that I chose her over him so he had nothing to “say” to me. Anyway he was a good friend. He was giving and direct and sometimes unforgiving but he would explain his position and made peace with it. He loved music and played the steel drums beautifully, it was his passion. Food and kids were also his passion.
He had very distinct ideas and beliefs and there was no convincing him otherwise. He could accept his decisions and move on never giving a thought to soften his position or appease someone who disagreed. He was unpretentious and comfortable in his skin. He was authentic. When I badgered him about being hard nosed he would say, “You take me as I am or leave me. I’m cool, I can live with myself.” I have to admit he was solid.
He died of a massive stroke because of hypertension. He believed that he could take care of himself better than any other person so going to the doctors, taking medicines, chemical compounds, were not his thing. He had remedies that were better and could fix whatever ails him and that would be that. Well sadly, that was that.
So could I have made an impression on him to get checked and take the prescribed treatment had I been in touch? Could I have been able to prepare the family for this outcome was I more involved? Would I have gotten a goodbye hug more recently that says to him that he is loved, take care? Well who knows? I am not beating myself up about this, it is just a reflection. Really, who knows?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
This New Year gives me the opportunity to pause and redirect myself, my attention, relationships and desires in a way that will yield the fruits of the spirit, personal growth and achievements. It’s new, it’s fresh, it has endless possibilities and potential and I can choose how and what to engage with and attach to and explore and give to and of myself and enjoy.
I don’t have to take along or try to fix the failings, baggage, the disappointments and losses of 2010. I will forgive, be thankful, acknowledge, appreciate and be grateful for being on the other side of 2010. I am moving ahead with the memories of lessons learned, friendships formed, challenges faced and graces given to strengthen and enrich how I will live and love and play in 2011.
I anticipate abundance of grace and will seek to shine my light and love in the world. To care for me and my household and all that is given. Seek to understand and fill the longings of my soul. Be bold and rejoice in the present. I will look for goodness and give kindness and know that I will be better for it. I will follow the calling of the universe of goodness, boldness, truth and faith.