Friday, January 7, 2011
I haven’t had enough time to do all the things I’ve wanted to do, needed to do and should do, even though I’ve wanted to and think about doing. Touching base; saying hello, making a phone call, sending an email, the little but very important touchstones of life. I just haven’t had the time or made the time to do them as much. OR perhaps haven’t the presence of mind, will and determination to just do it!
He was a very peculiar person and sometimes even stoic. He was fine knowing I was in touch with his wife and would comment that I chose her over him so he had nothing to “say” to me. Anyway he was a good friend. He was giving and direct and sometimes unforgiving but he would explain his position and made peace with it. He loved music and played the steel drums beautifully, it was his passion. Food and kids were also his passion.
He had very distinct ideas and beliefs and there was no convincing him otherwise. He could accept his decisions and move on never giving a thought to soften his position or appease someone who disagreed. He was unpretentious and comfortable in his skin. He was authentic. When I badgered him about being hard nosed he would say, “You take me as I am or leave me. I’m cool, I can live with myself.” I have to admit he was solid.
He died of a massive stroke because of hypertension. He believed that he could take care of himself better than any other person so going to the doctors, taking medicines, chemical compounds, were not his thing. He had remedies that were better and could fix whatever ails him and that would be that. Well sadly, that was that.
So could I have made an impression on him to get checked and take the prescribed treatment had I been in touch? Could I have been able to prepare the family for this outcome was I more involved? Would I have gotten a goodbye hug more recently that says to him that he is loved, take care? Well who knows? I am not beating myself up about this, it is just a reflection. Really, who knows?