Monday, June 28, 2010

Stepping back and Moving Forward Along the Way

So, I continue on the journey… and you shall find. I am not quite there yet but it is the path to transition – the way to get to knowing what is next and perhaps the how in the process. So here, I am in this place of unrest, unsettled psyche looking for calm, peace, purpose and the path to service.

If you have to tow the road, then when the bells sound what do you do. When do you go? How do you sort through, sort out the myriad of feeling, ideas, and thoughts, focus them into a process that becomes tangible, sensible, real, achievable, and significant, and realize, yeah, this is it.

During this time, I count my self as fortunate to have gotten in the company of some wonderful women. I am fortunate because as I struggle to emerge from this place of stagnation to a place where I think I will find peace and satisfaction in what I do, what I give and what I enjoy, I find myself into their consciousness, and it has given me pause to appreciate, refine, define and proceed.

I have been writing and proclaiming that I am an undergoing a phase of reconstruction and have been chronicling my thoughts and feelings as a way to process and find direction. As I push along, here comes Donna who asked, “Reconstruction?” What are you talking about…, read what you have written? In connecting with her, I realize that I needed to relax, take a deep breath, purposely look around and then I will realize what is next. So, I have been doing that and have found a measure of relief that yes I need to make changes and change will come as long as I remain committed and willing to explore the things I am concerned about and do what is necessary to get the results.

As I stood back and took some actions that were just obvious, I feel a sense of relief. This allowed me to see and feel more clearly, what I needed to do and helped me to decide what I had to do and should do and find comfort in. So here I am resting, breathing and looking forward. I have made some decisions that are leaps of faith but I think they will allow me the space to see and do the things that will get me to where I need to be. It feels like things are changing and opportunities are becoming visible and available for me to explore. There are some big risks but the worst that can happen is that I can commend myself for exercising courage because one has to be bold, believe in oneself, abilities, and desires to be truly satisfied even when the going gets rough. There is still a lot of work to do, so much unknown but too much will be lost if I neglect this process.

I am moving along with eyes and arm wide-open, clear mind and hopeful desires.

Like a bud, the lotus flower is unfolding and I feel nourished, supported and embraced to stay strong and to stay tuned.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Journey unfolding, path still unclear

As I think through the questions and work through this maze I call reconstruction, I came up with many things. As I explored the list, I got some answers. Things I knew, needed to reaffirm, and things that says, yes, this is the thing to do. I want to find answers and explanations or reasons for this process to strengthen the impetus to stay on this task. I know and believe that as we cycle through the stages and phases of life we must rise to the occasion to find and enjoy and live life to the fullest. Is it the grass is greener syndrome or the we are never satisfied concept, greed, indecisiveness? Hmmmm, more questions.

So here are some of the things I thought about.
Birth and death- cycle of life. We have to find meaning, purpose and satisfaction.

Winning and losses - achievements and rewards, failures and disappointments, gratitude and satisfaction all build character, strength, wisdom and happiness.

For each action, there is a reaction. Each gains a loss – a change or relinquishing of something that will evolve or strengthen another thing. Through these cycles we try to find happiness, completeness and love in and through what we do and who we are.

I guess like a closet we have a finite space -well the closet of many of us- and as we add more things, we run out of space. I don’t stop looking or acquiring things because of space issues, I try to make room. When I find the cutest little number, maybe another number that was just as cute at one time is replaced to make room. Perhaps the choice is made based on satisfaction with the item or the level of contentment you feel with one item over the other. I realize that this is a tough process but one that must happen. It is finding balance, contentment and peace.
being able to go, get and be – engage and find success and satisfaction, peace. Be bold, explore, take risks for something you are passionate about and achieve. Plan and do the things, visit the places and events that are important to you or where you have some interest. Knowledge is power. Try it out it may reveal your true joy. So for example, you want to be a writer. Start a blog, keep a journal, write op-ed comments, and seek out a publisher with your proposal. Find online sources and networks that will inspire and support. Share and acknowledge. Always give a helping hand as that is our greatest asset. We are one people and each one is a gift. Be grateful. Stay centered. Dance, play, give thanks, sing, celebrate and be glad.

Similarly, as we live, we find what we love; we laugh about, learn from and grow. These benchmarks or headlines are not mutually exclusive but have differences that affect or influence our lives and relationships and dreams and goals. Love is endearing, true, priceless, important and is given and then received. Give love, understanding, truth, and it will return to you. Be kind, sincere and generous and you will be enriched. Your family, your neighbors, those you encounter along the way, your belief that builds character and strength should be your priority. That love will give you the strength and the wisdom to endure, share and find peace. Give and recieve hugs, kisses, warmth and smiles along the way.

I can cackle with the best of them and it help to forget and perhaps refocus. Let it go if even for a little while. When I get back to routines, I can see another angle or digest a bit more and look for answers or solutions. I love a good comedy, or to laugh at myself, or things around me and be sincere about it. They say laughter is healing, powerful and redeeming. Make it a regular in your life. They say it takes fewer muscles to laugh than to frown. Save the muscles for a good cardio work out because that has many benefits. Find humor, joys, beauty, forgiveness and grace in others, your self and all things.

Times passes and things changes.  I guess this is a process for all of us. We just ended a decade that began with much furor and anticipation of gloom and doom. Do you remember the big to do about Y2K? I guess we are seeing some of the effects a decade later with the state of world economics and environmental disasters. This decade did not have the harbinger’s pronouncements even though we were witnessing the dawn of newness, difference, change. We eased into the decade cautiously but enthusiastic and tentative. I have changed in many ways because of what life is and means.

I am on a day-to-day process to change this life because the day is all that is promised. I have to explore, I must explore and find what is in store for me to share in this decade. Fortunately many have an easy and smooth transition through the stages. For me, not so much.

So live, love, laugh my friends because as one of my favorite poem goes “all the world's a stage and men and women merely players.” Play your best role, live, love, and laugh. I am on a journey to organize my days for not only satisfaction but also for significance on my stage.

Stay with me here, I need your support and wisdom.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Journey through Possibilities

The challenges and elusiveness of defining and finding personal goals and journey into personal fulfillment – reconstruction-is fraught with questions and more questions. A friend of mine on Gist says that in order to change or take up and activity there is a process to go through. She wrote that you have to satisfy the want to want to do something before you will actually do it. There is one thing I want and have wanted for a while now and ready to achieve it. I know it is a process but I am ready to be on the way and to know that I am. I really want to feel like I have figured out and am doing the things(s) that enriches my life. I still need to find and engage in it. Possibilities?!

I am doing some things to help me to sort through the mind field of interest, activities, situations and circumstances that I find myself in. I am thinking, exploring, questioning, researching to find the avenue, the path but still searching. I have not gotten to the place or stage where I will let go; throw caution to the wind and explore all of the thoughts and ideas in my head, in an organized way, to try to come up with what could possibly make me happy and fulfilled.

Perhaps finding answers to the question of the type of risk taker, I am, or how much of a risk taker one need to be to succeed in this journey may be a place to start. I guess immersing myself, all levels, in finding this desired goal which is still nebulous is what I don’t know how to do. Am I too cautious? Do I want to hold on to a life jacket, training wheel as I proceed? Am I making a BIG to do about nothing? Am I where I need to be but need to understand it and acknowledge seeing the light? Am I just caught up in the grass is greener over the maybe septic tank syndrome? I want to do something else, I want to feel like I am doing the best that I can do for my universe, for me, and feel in harmony with that reality. It feels like I am not making progress even though time is passing and I want to do this.

What to do now, next? I know the various adages, phrases and idioms about letting go and let God, the universe or a higher power take control but in a real deep and practical way, how do I do that? Is age and responsibilities a barrier? When one lives on a shoestring with no buffer, is that a deterrent to taking the necessary risks to be able to see and go forward? Is it lack of faith or trust that the universe has me? How do one operationally let go, put one foot in front of the other believing that you are doing the right thing? How do you plan for, accept, and rebound if you find that it is not. What is hitting rock bottom mean? Is that a part of the process to this realization.

Where is the compass, the road map, the check and balance, the guideposts? How can I find them and use them to find my way.

What is courage, how do you apply it or how does it fit in? Lioness, lion hearted where art thou.

What is your process. How do or did you get to that place in your life?