If you have to tow the road, then when the bells sound what do you do. When do you go? How do you sort through, sort out the myriad of feeling, ideas, and thoughts, focus them into a process that becomes tangible, sensible, real, achievable, and significant, and realize, yeah, this is it.
During this time, I count my self as fortunate to have gotten in the company of some wonderful women. I am fortunate because as I struggle to emerge from this place of stagnation to a place where I think I will find peace and satisfaction in what I do, what I give and what I enjoy, I find myself into their consciousness, and it has given me pause to appreciate, refine, define and proceed.I have been writing and proclaiming that I am an undergoing a phase of reconstruction and have been chronicling my thoughts and feelings as a way to process and find direction. As I push along, here comes Donna who asked, “Reconstruction?” What are you talking about…, read what you have written? In connecting with her, I realize that I needed to relax, take a deep breath, purposely look around and then I will realize what is next. So, I have been doing that and have found a measure of relief that yes I need to make changes and change will come as long as I remain committed and willing to explore the things I am concerned about and do what is necessary to get the results.
As I stood back and took some actions that were just obvious, I feel a sense of relief. This allowed me to see and feel more clearly, what I needed to do and helped me to decide what I had to do and should do and find comfort in. So here I am resting, breathing and looking forward. I have made some decisions that are leaps of faith but I think they will allow me the space to see and do the things that will get me to where I need to be. It feels like things are changing and opportunities are becoming visible and available for me to explore. There are some big risks but the worst that can happen is that I can commend myself for exercising courage because one has to be bold, believe in oneself, abilities, and desires to be truly satisfied even when the going gets rough. There is still a lot of work to do, so much unknown but too much will be lost if I neglect this process.
I am moving along with eyes and arm wide-open, clear mind and hopeful desires. Like a bud, the lotus flower is unfolding and I feel nourished, supported and embraced to stay strong and to stay tuned.
1 comment:
Oh Philly! I am so glad you have reached a plateau. A plateau from which you can look out and see the big picture. A plateau from which you can take a rest and breathe and 'just let it be' for awhile. You are doing such huge personal work. It is hard work. It is so well worth it. Already, look back. You will see how far you have come. xx
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