My Grace in Small Things on Blogger!

I took the challenge presented by Schmutzie Pickles to take time to acknowledge the goodness and graces I experience daily at Grace in Small Things on Ning network. I began the GiST challenge last June to record 5 graces each day. If I followed the plan, I would have a record of 365 days of graces in a year.

We are now in February, as you know, and I haven't made half of the records to date as intended. Do we have to hit the magic number in a year? Can we take as long as we'd like? Will you get kicked off or looked on as a slacker if you fail to keep up the posts? Well I don't think so. Well I didn't pose the questions to the authorities, but judging from what I see on the site it seems safe to say no. You wouldn't get the boot, and that is a good thing.

The community is a loving caring and understanding group who knows what life is and can be. The slogan for the network is.... "because life is hard and love is large." "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things."

I really like it there! I've made some friends who's touched me beyond the Internet. That is something to be grateful for. So with this long introduction, I want to say that I will be adding my daily Grace in Small Things posts on Blogger as well. Given my track record, I might not be the best example of the membership but you know what? I will take this step in faith. Life's road map and journey is never straight or exactly how you plan it. This is not an excuse, it's a reality so we make the adjustments and go on. ..... when life gives you lemon you make lemonade .........?!

As you will see from the post I've been away for a while. I trust that I will get and stay current. This post is longer tham what you will see on a regular basis as I am making a re-entry, again. I want to fill my friends in on my absence etc. You will most likely see the 5 graces in a list. If you haven't joined the community yet, go check it out. You will like what you see.

Grace in Small Things
So here goes my GiST # 115
So many graces so little time! I am grateful for the thoughts and prayers and friendships from the GiST community. My MIL was laid to rest with pride and was shared with so many people. We believe she will be among the angels that will continue to do Gods work.

I am so far behind in recording my graces and I am afraid that my 365 day record will be way extended beyond the calendar year from when I started. I was happy to accept the challenge and thought I was prepared to carry it through within the time frame. Unfortunately life got in the way. I thought I would get back on track last week. That was my plan on Thursday but guess what? I got sick. Out of work sick. Laid up couldn't do much sick. I felt better from the previous issue but got a case of stomach virus last week. It knocked me out for the week.

I am grateful however to have this community and challenge to remind me to be contemplative and deliberate in acknowledgment and sharing of the goodness and blessings in my life. I know that at times the record is simple and perhaps reactionary but it gives me cause to reflect and plan to take note and appreciate graces. So I think I am on the way back. Back to the daily post of the graces I will recall. I will also look up and visit my friends and enjoy their reflections and learn from their messages. I will also look to make new friends and also find joy and beauty in their messages as well.

For today, I am grateful for:
1. GiST and all that it stands for and mean to me.
2. Thankful for recovered health
3. Enjoyed a ride with my boy to visit my mother
4. A nice and playful conversation with my daughters
5. Goodness and joy of spending time with mom.

Elaine, you are very special! Thank you.

I Found my Friend through an Internet search

I found a family friend that we've lost touch with for over twenty years through an Internet Search. The funny thing here is that I am an avid internet surfer. I spend hours researching things, and stuffs and is quite familiar with many of the search tools and engines but never actually tried to find these folks on line. Not even sure why I didn’t because I look thing up all the time. I often wondered where my friends were and what they might be doing but left it in passing.

I am so ecstatic that I found these folks. We have so much to talk about and share. The last time we saw each other, they had one child, and she was pregnant with their second. They moved away to another state and we lost touch. We also moved away shortly after them so that further compounded the problem. Wow, time has passed and so much have been gained and changed. Just before they moved away she helped to bake my wedding cake and now too many years and 3 kids later we found each other again. We have so much to talk about and catch up on. It will be hours talking on the phone until we can schedule to visit, but I am so ready to do this.

The other day I commented on Carol's blog, one of my fellow Grace in Small Things blogger, about her reflection on the friendships and comfort that we find in our virtual networks. Now, here I am experiencing the endless rewards of the reach and power of the internet in this re-connection. We are able to make new friends, and conduct all sorts of business and social activities using the internet, not the least of which is finding your long lost loved ones. This is not only a virtual community but my actual, real life friendship delivered. Although these friends will still be miles apart from me, we are just a click away, and we now know this!

Passages

My younger brother and I usually ‘catch’ up with each other every Saturday or the weekend. We talk about anything and everything calmly and without concern for the time or the distance between us. Last time we spoke he was very happy and delighted that his very dear friend had voluntarily checked himself into a rehab center for drug and alcohol abuse. This condition he pointed was a mask for a very troubled childhood and a life of pain and anguish his friend has. Despite these issues this friend was a very productive and decent family man and citizen. My brother and I thought that it was a very good move on his friends’ part and we hoped that he would get the help he need to move forward with his life. My brother also told his friends’ wife to lean on him as much as she needed to help her through a bumpy ride. She said she would and she too was hoping for a good result.

Today my brother told me that he lost his friend. I was shocked. “Who”, I said hurriedly? I yelled, “No”. I gasped and was befuddled. “What? What happened?” I said. He told me that his friend tried to kill himself after attempting to confront his family members he accused for his anguish. Oh my goodness. What a shame! I am so sad for this whole family. There are so many questions and emotions swirling around in my head about this.
What happened? Did something go wrong with the process or the system?
Did this man open the proverbial can of worms with inadequate preparation and support to handle it?

Was he a renegade who went off because he didn’t want to deal or pretend to deal anymore?
How do you come to grips with this and try to understand or strengthen a system.
Is there a blame and to whom or where do we assign it, or do we even assign it. Is it him for attempting to heal him self and lost control in the process? Did the system pull a lever and not put enough safe guards to be on the lookout and activate reconnaissance? Is this just a tragedy, a sad case where so much is lost because of the failings of motherhood and family?

What are the answers; who knows or will ever know? What do we do now or say to others with a similar situation; go get help to heal? As a society this is what we say to our folks who need help in this regard. Do we say that with trepidation or assurances? How do we address the parenting issue or the issue of child abuse or child endangerment and the victims? As I write this piece I can’t help think about Rocky, the movie. I think of all those scenes of flashbacks of pain and suffering. Different set of circumstances, yes, but similar effect. How can you heal that hurt so it doesn’t continue to cause harm?

This is such a sad and painful situation. So many lives affected in the past and the present. What will be the impact in the future? The situation is this. Parenthood doesn’t come with a manual or training guide. Sometimes it doesn’t even come with a mentor or good guidance or experience to draw from. Raising a child is not an easy task. I always say, you have to become self-less when you have kids. You have to be extra careful, sensitive, and instructive and nurturing, always placing their best interest first. Maintaining composure, consistently meter out commands and emotions and reactions and consequences to make the point, affirm and acknowledge and ‘hear’ them so that they hear you. It’s a delicate balance that must be achieved and maintained through out the years with cognizance. When we fail to do this or unleash our wrath of disappointments, frustration, unprepared-ness for the task, and other unresolved personal issues on the child, well, we can create monsters. I am not calling this dear man a monster but we will influence monstrous behaviors from their experience.

The other thing her is this; did the mental health system that welcomed him helped or failed him and his family, and the rest of us. I don’t know this answer either and I will not speculate. I was told that this guy was in a residential program for about 3 weeks. I don’t know what the discharge plan was or his follow through. I don’t know what his extended family situation – his external support system was. I have to say however his efforts didn’t seem to give him the expected result. Maybe it was just too late.

Would things have been different today had he kept up his self treatment – alcohol and drug uses. This situation was a ticking time bomb, which he realized and wanted to change before it got the better of him. Unfortunately it did. I have to say getting clean or learning how to cope with life issues in the natural is still the best course of action. We however hope for good results and perhaps it is the case more often than not. This is a very, very sad outcome.

What do we say to a little girl who suddenly lost her beloved daddy; her Daddy who was trying to make his/their lives better and now he is gone?

Take heart dear child, we pray for your safety and your peace. I am sorry for your loss. May God bless you and grant you and your family peace.

Bro, stay close they will need your support more than ever. You can count on me.

Life's Journey

Anytime she felt she needed to make a point about our behavior, attitude or expectations, or just to get us to change course, my Grandmother always had a saying for us. The one that applies in this instance is this. She would say “the only thing in life that is guaranteed is death.” Grandpa would then say, “Well, dying is a part of life.” A time goes by I understand those sayings more and more, you know put them into perspective. Yes, dying is a part of life; the end of life. A wonderful person left us this week end and I cried.

Today I was told that a dear person I’ve worked along side for several years passed away overnight. Ironically, at the time I got the news, I was getting off my seat to walk over to her office to say good morning as I did so often. Sometimes she would beat me to the punch and come to see me. The words and emotion behind those words knocked my knees from under me and I fell back in my chair. What! I exclaimed, in confusion. As I thought I heard what I had heard, I moved towards the bearer of the news and she was in tears. What! I exclaimed again as tears rolled down my cheeks. I tried to reach out to her but couldn’t even grip her arm. I was in shock. I was numb, confused and befuddled.

The church hymn asks, ‘death where is thy sting,’ usually sung in the Easter celebration for the risen omnipotent one has stung deeply. For us mortals, it is severe and final. When death occurs, the survivors have to go on living, despite the pain and despair of loosing a loved one, or hear of someone else’s loss. We not only have to contend with our feelings, we usually have to assure others that we are ok and in the end, the departed is better off. After all, sometimes life feels like hell on earth. We also must accept condolences and console others to help each other cope – live through the pain. It takes strength and the resolve to accept that our only option is to move forward.

I don’t know if losing someone suddenly is more painful than if death comes after the progression of an illness or a long, long life into the final stages. Age is not a factor, socio economic status, or even a continent. One thing for certain, death will reach you in some way shape or form at one time or another. In any case it hurts. It hurts even to say “sorry for your loss,” to a stranger. This is not a situation where lip service can suffice; the feeling runs deep into the soul. Commiserating with others is solace but not immunity. The mystery and mortality, the reality that there is one less person in your circle can be so devastating; debilitating and immobilizing. The pain, grief and anguish are huge.

Loss– there is no going back; no do over. No more opportunity to say I’m sorry. No let’s try again. No don’t worry it will be alright. No, none of that once death comes. It’s all over. Done! The End! Kaput! C’est Finis! No more ability or opportunity to correct or make amends, thank or praise. This finality is the most intense pain and sadly that is death.

I couldn’t understand or believe what I was hearing. I walked into the other office to see the others, to check the news. Every one there was in disarray with looks of disbelief and wonder from the news. From the expressions and the somber look on everyone’s face I knew it was true. I leaned against the file cabinet as I felt I needed to anchor myself to keep from falling. That would not even be a joke from the wryest person around because we all loved, respected and appreciated her. As I stood there with my colleagues struggling to hold back the tears, all I could see or hear was my last conversation with her; “I’ll be alright, I’ll rest up this weekend. I’ll be fine!” She would be ok, she told me so. I believed her. Why not, she’s said that to me before and she was back. Did she know that would be our last conversation, even subconsciously? How, why, what, oh my God, how? No, no not her. She was……she was going to be ok. What did I miss? Could I have done something to change this outcome? What am I going to do now?!

I had to come to grips with the reality that she is gone and the rest of us will have to live on. We will have to remember, relish the ideas, thoughts and exchanges we’ve had, we’ve shared and lived, lived with and laughed about. We will have to find a way to pick up the slack, fill the void and absorb the loss in more ways than one. Her memory, thoughts and the love that she brought and shared must take us forward. The strength and courage that she displayed and the joy and beauty she brought to us will live on in our minds. I shall miss you and I shall live as you did and would; Happy, practical and honest. Take life as it comes and roll with it.

I will turn to the words of wisdom for strength and motivation, the examples of others moving forward and her memory of positive acquiescence. One thing I know is this; life guarantees death and we will survive, endure and eventually succumb. Hopefully the legacy will be such that the living will appreciates the value of life and live each day in love, joy, peace and beauty of service, respect and appreciation for music. She was a prolific dancer.

Every beginning has an end, this we know. When, how, why the end is reached is a mystery, a painful event. We will endure.

Thank you for sharing and giving to me. I am fortunate to have known you. I cried today because I miss you. Rest eternally in peace!

For all who read or browse this piece, I pray that you find something useful to help you in your journey. I hope you will share your vision, experiences or thoughts on this with us.