Matisse Radical Invention and Me

I visited MoMA, the Museum of Modern Art last week to see what I could see. This used to be a regular activity for the family in years gone by but I have not done this in a very long time. I have been just too busy or too tired chasing my tail. I had a good ole time at MoMA like old times. The highlight was the Matisse exhibit. I was also happy to see Monet, Picasso, Chegall, Rivera and so many other favorites. MoMA has Matisse: “Radical Invention” from 1913 – 1917 which he called Methods of Modern Construction. These works are from a period of change and growth for Matisse as an artist. What is ironic of this period is that Matisse is said to have been ‘searching for something deeper than that could be seen on the surface.’ I do not know if I can put my ‘re-construction’ phase quite like that but it certainly is a search for.

You know, it is funny how things clarifies or perhaps reveal a meaning of a feeling or situation that you have pondered. Well, this was one of those moments, again, and it was just timely. I think that I was at a point of veering off course heading to the fret zone for being disengaged from the work force or other things. As I walked through the exhibit it said, hold it; wait a minute! Hmm, Stop. Look. Listen, and think. Curious, but I did. After a time I moved along with some amount of buoyancy and litheness.

Nearing the end of the Matisse' exhibit, almost at the exit, there was a poster of a quote from the summer of 1917. As I scanned the print, these words in the middle of this big board caught my attention. I read and then re-read. I stopped. I listened to myself reading and thought; humph. I smiled, and gave off a sigh of relief. I looked around; saw my daughter who was on the other side of the room looking at another painting. I beckoned to her to come over. As she came over, I pointed to the section that I was enamored with. She read it and then she looked at me with her right eyebrow raised and smiled and said, hmm, well then! I then said to her, this is a lesson for you too. She smiled again, and nodded and said, true!

So according to Matisse, "When you have achieved what you want in a certain area, when you have exploited the possibilities that lie in one direction, you must, when the time comes, change course, search for something new."

I am not saying that I am wise or that I thought of my actions in these terms, but I think I was in that place feeling it's time for a change. Now I see, in so many places and ways, that it is an important and perhaps a necessary thing to do; stop, assess and change course when the time comes. It is the knowing, that is the challenge. You have heard me say that piece before. Knowing!

Friends and loved ones exploit your possibilities and when the time comes, move with boldness. I believe the rewards will be great.

Farewell or Good-bye…..I’m gone!

As the year winds down and folks leave for summer break, change gears for summer programs and summer projects, different schedules and routines, goodbye, farewell, see you in September fill the air around here. Some folks send notes or shout their farewell and goodbyes in the hallways and rooms. Goodbye for the summer, I’m gone, farewell, have a good summer, some sad and some other merry refrains. For some it is a change of location or seat or just moving on. It is a flurry of activity and mixed emotions as all of these actions and conversations takes place.

I am also at a crossroads, actually, I have been parked here for months now, only recently got the energy or the wisdom to rev up the engine and take flight. Say farewell, good-bye, so long, haste la vista, Auf Wiedersehen, arrivederci, adios, to a place and people I have worked with that I have enjoyed, grown to appreciate and indulge. An organization that I have supported, grown with and felt disillusioned about. But it is time for me to move on. Move on to other more fulfilling and satisfying roles and work in the larger community.

I have been ready to move on for some time now but thought that I would be patient during the various transitions. I was optimistic that the change would embrace quality, build on successes, strengthen what is good, solid, and measurable, and support the mission. I would be patient to see if the color of the light will change, back to green for go do what is good, effective, efficient and necessary to achieve the goals. However, for me, it is amber. Amber because it is a living, there are some opportunities for the work that I enjoy and appreciate and then the preponderance of the other stuff that detract and diminish my interest and value in the place. I am about quality, collaboration, teamwork, efficiency and successful outcomes. Not a measure or interpretation of success, but actual success as a measure of the stated goals and the results of the efforts and actions.

I am immensely proud of the work I have done, the partnerships I have established and the friendships that I have formed over the years. I believe that I have contributed to the fabric and essence of the team and the community of learners. I am also proud of the contributions I have made to the quality and content of the program not only in responding to the mandates but in developing and creating initiatives to meet the needs and improve the quality of life for the community. My many contributions and initiatives that are sustainable and support the mission and goals of the organization. I am truly grateful for the time and opportunity. Thanks to many for the opportunity.

So this is goodbye, farewell, adios from this place and daily contact and interaction with these good folks and time to say hello, hi, hola, bonjour, hallo, Auf Wiedersehen, ciao to a brave new world and new opportunities. I am hopeful, enthusiastic, learned, and creative; a breakthrough leader ready, willing and able to jump in with both feet knowing that I will land on my feet when I arrive, taking up the baton that will be the work and moving on to success and significance.

So, farewell, goodbye…I’m gone!

Have a wonderful summer everyone! See you in September!

Going North and South on I-95 Says Reconstruction

As I work at the personal reconstruction that I am trying to move forward, more and more I encounter things that confirm for me that filling this void is possible and achievable. I have to unravel the ideas and like a jigsaw puzzle put the pieces into place to reveal the picture, the plan, the goals.

The last couple of days I have traveled up and down I-95 South to take care some a family matters. A few weeks ago, I traveled upstate on I-95 North into Massachusetts to pick up one of my daughters from school. I traveled south to see about Momma. I got my coffee, a raisin bran muffin, and some water and hit the road.
After about an hour and a half or so into the trip up north, I got my rhythm and flow. I am settled into the ride and thoughts, eyes, and position are all in sync. Looking out at the expanse of nature, the various hue of green, the beauty of the peaks and valleys and roadways and bridges, humans and animals all intertwined and intersecting as I went along. I thought to myself how wonderful it is to be here, now, even with my anguish and confusion of the paths to choose at this point in my life. The road was open, free, stately, majestic and consuming but leading me with clarity and purpose. I thought; wow, the universe is awesome and it will show me the way.

Getting to this point in life feels like situations in the movie the seven-year itch. The mid life crisis scenes where there is no satisfaction from the usual and the familiar and the routine. In this case however this inquiry is all about finding a purpose. I am grateful for this opportunity to reflect, appreciate this life, my children, my family, friends and for so, so much goodness and graces. Even so my human-ness still is restless and dissatisfied in all its essence and seek something more, something else. My dreams, hopes, and desires can be as real as the towns and the animals and the hills and meadows I saw along the way.

Looking out at the landscape is very telling. It is inviting me to opening new vista and feeling of enthusiasm, desires, and assertion of yes I can, I can actually be what I still have to. The rolling hills the houses on top of manicured grounds and the multitude of terrain and gardens say yeah go for it! So with thinking and knowing that I want change, I still need to know what, how, where.

I am thankful for a safe trip and successful outcome with Momma and the move and the storage and the trip back home. We are all happy to be home again and I have a new energy to push forward with open mind and no boundaries.

Making Dinner for The Boys! Love

I went back to the old grind after five glorious days away from there. I got home tired from being at work but energized from the brisk walk home. I even pretentiously speed walked keeping in front of a woman obviously moving to pass me. I kept pace and half steps in front of her until the end of the bridge where we parted ways without even a glance...woohooo! Well, I am sure she enjoyed the push.

When I get home from work these days, all I want to so is sit on the couch like a rag doll gawking at the TV with the remote in hand like Homer Simpson. As I sink into the abyss, somehow I manage to glance at the clock and remember that Lord Mutton will need dinner. He is such a scrawny kid that I feel I have to prepare dinner for him every night. I am not sure he eats well during the day. I am not convinced that he eats lunch at school and seldom gets an afternoon snack. I do not necessarily think I have to cook a big meal but at least prepare a sensible meal for him. What about hubby you say…..Well he is a grown boy. Nevertheless, he gets his share.

So, today after I struck the pose and got comfortable, I replayed my evening scene. I remembered that I have to feed this kid. I dragged myself off my spot and sauntered into the kitchen. I looked around for what to prepare. I had some chicken in the bottom of the refrigerator thawing. I placed it there last evening intended for tonight’s dinner. It almost did not make it. I was searching for a reason not to make it.

Anyway, I decided to bake the chicken with a honey ginger glaze and adda side of green beans and noodles. I hit the jackpot. It looked soo good and smelled even more wonderful. As I served dinner and called Lord Mutton to dig in, I placed his plate on the table. As he approached the table, his face lit up, like a beacon. All his senses were engaged. That look on his face stirred every lazy muscle in my body. You should have seen that million-dollar smile. Boy, I wish I could cash it in.

I went back to the kitchen to clean up, as I did not want to eat then. I figure I would wait for the other him. As I left Lord Mutton at the table, I thought that I had to record this encounter. After a few minutes in the kitchen, I went to my computer to write and before I could get through this piece, he was finished eating. He scarfed the food down like a lumberjack. I looked at him with his plate in hand and asked him what happened. I thought something was wrong with the food. He grinned and said yeah, I am done. Done, I said. He said yes, it was good ...I really liked the tastes. Huh, this guy is usually a very slow eater. Doesn’t that just warm your heart!

So everyday I come home dreading the tasks of doing the chores around the house like cooking and doing dishes but the thought and remembrance of this very wonderful moment make me forget my frumpiness’ and self-centeredness and get him a meal he will enjoy. He usually enjoys my cooking any way. Truth be told, I feel better knowing I prepared him a good meal and it was something he enjoyed. Now I will go back in my spot and resume the pose until its time for bed. Oh, life is good!

My Grace in Small Things on Blogger!

I took the challenge presented by Schmutzie Pickles to take time to acknowledge the goodness and graces I experience daily at Grace in Small Things on Ning network. I began the GiST challenge last June to record 5 graces each day. If I followed the plan, I would have a record of 365 days of graces in a year.

We are now in February, as you know, and I haven't made half of the records to date as intended. Do we have to hit the magic number in a year? Can we take as long as we'd like? Will you get kicked off or looked on as a slacker if you fail to keep up the posts? Well I don't think so. Well I didn't pose the questions to the authorities, but judging from what I see on the site it seems safe to say no. You wouldn't get the boot, and that is a good thing.

The community is a loving caring and understanding group who knows what life is and can be. The slogan for the network is.... "because life is hard and love is large." "Grace in Small Things exists because we are choosing not to allow the noisiness of life to rob us of the time and energy to be mindful of ourselves and those we love and to recognize the grace that exists in small things."

I really like it there! I've made some friends who's touched me beyond the Internet. That is something to be grateful for. So with this long introduction, I want to say that I will be adding my daily Grace in Small Things posts on Blogger as well. Given my track record, I might not be the best example of the membership but you know what? I will take this step in faith. Life's road map and journey is never straight or exactly how you plan it. This is not an excuse, it's a reality so we make the adjustments and go on. ..... when life gives you lemon you make lemonade .........?!

As you will see from the post I've been away for a while. I trust that I will get and stay current. This post is longer tham what you will see on a regular basis as I am making a re-entry, again. I want to fill my friends in on my absence etc. You will most likely see the 5 graces in a list. If you haven't joined the community yet, go check it out. You will like what you see.

Grace in Small Things
So here goes my GiST # 115
So many graces so little time! I am grateful for the thoughts and prayers and friendships from the GiST community. My MIL was laid to rest with pride and was shared with so many people. We believe she will be among the angels that will continue to do Gods work.

I am so far behind in recording my graces and I am afraid that my 365 day record will be way extended beyond the calendar year from when I started. I was happy to accept the challenge and thought I was prepared to carry it through within the time frame. Unfortunately life got in the way. I thought I would get back on track last week. That was my plan on Thursday but guess what? I got sick. Out of work sick. Laid up couldn't do much sick. I felt better from the previous issue but got a case of stomach virus last week. It knocked me out for the week.

I am grateful however to have this community and challenge to remind me to be contemplative and deliberate in acknowledgment and sharing of the goodness and blessings in my life. I know that at times the record is simple and perhaps reactionary but it gives me cause to reflect and plan to take note and appreciate graces. So I think I am on the way back. Back to the daily post of the graces I will recall. I will also look up and visit my friends and enjoy their reflections and learn from their messages. I will also look to make new friends and also find joy and beauty in their messages as well.

For today, I am grateful for:
1. GiST and all that it stands for and mean to me.
2. Thankful for recovered health
3. Enjoyed a ride with my boy to visit my mother
4. A nice and playful conversation with my daughters
5. Goodness and joy of spending time with mom.

Elaine, you are very special! Thank you.

Thankfully Thursday Encounter

An Encounter
Today is Thursday, the first one for the year 2010. It was a good but hectic day for me at work but I am thankful not only for the day but for the work and the people around. I had a meeting that I arranged but wasn't quite at peace with it because the folks I was to meet with weren't a popular group with me. Previous encounters have left unsettling thoughts and feelings...

I of course put on my armor and went ahead to conduct the business. I did my piece with that armor on and expected the usual attitudes and behaviors and was prepared to react. Ok, I said that this is a New Year and we should strive to make appropriate changes and here I am, a couple of days into the Year and I am reacting like last year instead of viewing this day as a new day.

Well , thank goodness, I was pleasantly surprised with the result and outcome of the meeting and the attitude and behavior of the group. You know, this reaffirmed for me that each day is a new day and we should approach them and embrace them as such. Being open and available in each situation enables us to react and appreciate the joys and the beauty that comes with the opportunity. Even if there are challenges or issues to struggle with on each encounter or each day, they are still new days and opportunities to live, love, laugh with, about and at yourself in the moment.


As the meeting went on, I sensed the changes in the group. I slowly adjusted my position and I am thankful that I had confirmation that change is here and it is good. Perhaps each one in the group resolved to turn over a new leaf and saw this as an opportunity to achieve this goal with me. I am learning my lessons here!

I am thankful that it is Thursday, the work week is ending and I can have an opportunity to rest, reflect and re-tool. I can strengthen my resolve to go through each day as a new day, a clean slate, and to be open and optimistic.

Are you being tested to practice your resolutions?! Remember each day is a new day, another opportunity to be the best that you can be.

Is Bargain Shopping Worth the Trip?

As I shopped to get ready for the holidays; gifts for friends and families, home decorating items and of course for self, I tried to manage my funds so that it stretched as far as it could go. I don't as a rule skimp on gifts. I will get a gift that I feel like giving but I will skimp on things that are for me and for home goods for example. I went out to get some items for decorating and freshening up the rooms but went bargain shopping for them. Do you really get a bargain with the discount stores or just shoddy job-lots and aggravation?

I bought a sheet set at a discount store thinking it will be a good buy. It didn't say irregular or 2nd rate or anything like that on it. These are supposed to be deep discounted items from large department stores that are sold in this place. The sheet was in a nice package, not my usual brands, but it seemed fine. The package was in tact and with the size printed on it, a queen sized sheet. I was happy with the find and took it home to use for the holiday.

As I cleaned and got ready to make the bed, I gleefully opened the packet of new sheets. The color was a nice compliment to the rest of the room so, yay for me, a good deal! Well, it was a good deal until I got ready to put the fitted sheet on the bed.

You know how you open out the sheet and throw it in the air to open out and fall on the mattress. Well, this sheet didn't open out to the size of a queen bed. It was the size of a cot, maybe a baby's crib mattress size. I have never seen seen such. Imagine my dismay and anger. I need this now?! I don't have time to come back to this task. The holiday is looming and I have other chores to do. I had to pull something out of the closet.
I will have a return trip to that store. Is bargain shopping worth the trip or should you prepare for a two trip deal?

So I ask you; did I get a bargain or did I get a lemon? Can we really trust these cut rate stores to truly give us a correct item or are they all irregular or second rate things. Now it will cost me a trip back to the store, aggravation to demand a refund as I do not want store credit. Fool me once, buddy..... that's it! This is already over seven days since I bought the sheets so that's some arguing as it is over their return time frame. I might have to take some other item as an exchange which might possible be a waste of money.

I guess you can find a bargain and you can find an egg or lemon in these stores. Sadly, this time, which is my jolly happy time, I got a rotten egg. I guess I will bargain shop for things that are out of a wrapper that I can see and inspect thoroughly before I buy to make it worth the trip. I hope all of your holiday shopping went well!

Microbiotics for good health, Live!

I came across this lovely picture and information about microbiotics the other day as I tried to find some information on holiday recipes. I didn't stop to read through it at the time but bookmarked it for a later read. The piece popped up today as I logged in to the computer so I decided to look closer at Microbiotics. As I browsed the pages, I realized that it is something I really need to look more closely at. It certainly hit home today after the extensive holiday grubbing that went on here. The fruits and vegetables were part of the fare but certainly not the centerpiece.

As some of us gorge our selves on foods - sweet, delicious, glorious holiday foods, I think we need to reflect on the point that we can get carried away and do things, even as we enjoy them, that can reeve havoc on our lives and our loved ones. It is important that we do the holiday things in moderation and mix it heavily with what we know that is good right and wholesome. I have to do this. I think we just really have to take care of our lives everyday for longevity.

I have to do some re-engineering of my lifestyle now that I have absorbed this information on Microbiotics. This is an approach to life and living not just a kind of diet. The philosophy is that by combining quality foods, enjoyment and appreciation of life, each other, the environment, spirituality and trust or faith, we can live happier, healthier, long lives. These are interconnected and interdependent forces in the natural world that give rise to each other thereby creating a balanced way of living, the yin and yang.

So what I know now, well I've always known but would brush off and chalk it up to the holidays, festivities and celebrations. Part of the festivities is to provide a lot of food. We tend to over eat, swallowing without or just barely chewing and loading up on processed, greasy foods and say, ahhh it's sooo good! This is a no-no and gotta go! We must include healthier food options and take and eat in moderation and without the chase.

Now I really must let those habits go. The mega pieces of meats and turkey drum sticks, with a drizzling of veggies have to be reversed so that I will continue to live, love, laugh with my family and friends for a very long and healthful time.

I am making a case about microbiotics and behaving as if it is a new phenomena, but its not. This has been practiced since the Incas and the Han Dynasty. More and more we hear about whole foods and see whole food stores and whole grain products promoted but access is still a problem for many. As a society and community we need to 'normalize' healthy foods and balanced lifestyles to our day to day life. There are broader implications for society such as education, resources, access and supports as well.

You my friend should take a closer look at microbiotics, maybe also look at the "man in the mirror", like me, and make a change. Check out the information and recipes here. Make a move to a balanced way of living!

Let me know what you think about microbiotics if this is new to you. For those of you who are practitioners, please share some tips and/or advice with us.

Here's to a happier, healthier you! Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving 2009

To you and yours I wish you all a blessed and glorious Thanksgiving Holiday.

Her tribute to her fallen feline child

This is Molly, Amazing Molly. She was 10 years old and just lost her life to cancer. Rest in peace Molly!

Molly belonged to a colleague of mine.
I sat next to her at one of our regular meetings last week. As I looked over to greet her I noticed that she was not her usual happy go luck self. Of course I asked the question, why so glum and she told me the story. She then handed me a copy of her memoriam chronicling Molly's life with her. As I read it I realized how touched she was and how special Molly was. I though I would share her tribute to Molly as I was moved by the tribute and her compassion.

The tribute read
April 1997: Heard faint meows and found approximately 2 week old kittens in the well of an old house window, in bad shape with glass all around. One was already gone. Molly's eye was so badly infected; they thought she would be blind in it. In true Molly fashion (although I didn't know at the time, it healed and she was not blind). She was the smallest but the most curious. Two others did not make it. I bottle fed her and she would look all around while drinking.

Every once in a while an extraordinary individual comes into your life if you are so blessed. All animals are special but Molly was unique. She had an incredible intuitive bond with me. It's amazing how she "knew things". She was highly intelligent, loving, and very strong willed. I'd love it when she would "kitten out" and knead and kiss me, purring away-and she would love to do noses.

She was small with dainty little paws, and the most silky black fur ever. Her toughness made up for her smallness and would not take nonsense from her brothers and sisters. She also had a special bond with Jenny who would groom her. She would take everything in. When she was diagnosed with lymphoma in 2004, the prognosis was grim. She sailed through treatment without side effects and went into remission. She then relapsed 2 years later and again, sailed through remission. She would just look around in the car and want to sit on the seat and not in the carrier. She would bring me toys constantly, with that little mow and then drop them at my feet. She would also want to play fetch (yes, she is a cat) when she was a kitten, bringing me fuzzy balls etc. At first this third bout (in August) was going fine. A small body - even the most strongest like Molly can only take so much and cancer is a nasty disease and this time her little body could not take it. She fought hard and maintained that dignity and strong will to the end.

She transitioned peacefully with love all around her on March 30, 2009. In her weakened state, she managed to purr as I looked into those expressive eyes as if to say, it's ok mom. I have been privileged and blessed to have her in my life. She is my feline soulmate and we will be connected forever, but the pain and grief that is consuming me is indescribable as I have to adjust to my life here on Earth without her (in body). Roger, Jenny, Sandy, Simba and even Rosie the bunny will miss her too. Everybody who has met her sensed what an incredible individual she was. We will be connected forever. I miss her terribly and hope that we will be together again one day.

Thank you for sharing your tribute with us. I am sorry for your lost and pray that the peace that passeth all understanding abide with you. May you find joy in those around you.